“John Denver!”

“Shhhhhhhhhtttttttt!”    (Thanks for that one, Mom.  Apparently removing the vowels and drawing out the consonants renders this word harmless.)

“Meeeeeeeeeeeooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww!”    (Thank you, 2-, 3-, and 4-yr-old Emma Claire.)

“Fussbudget!”

“Shiite freakin’ Muslim!”     (I don’t say this one any more…no offense meant.)

“Rattlesnakes!”      (Thanks Rebecca.)

“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…”     (Thank you, wolverines of the wild.)

“Aw, come on!”       (Thank you, Gob Bluth from “Arrested Development”.)

“Dadgummit!”        (Thank you, Larue County, Kentucky.)

To be continued…

Official save-the-planet bags chain of events:

1)  Cara buys cloth reusable shopping bags at Kroger.  Loves them.  Gets 4 cents back per bag per use–Cara’s way to contribute to the Bedo family financially.

2)  After several  very happy “green” shopping trips to Kroger, Cara decides to take her shopping bags to Wal-Mart, who had not gotten on the “save the planet” bandwagon yet.  Cara has butterflies in her stomach anticipating snide comments from the checker due to the large KROGER logo emblazoned on said bags.  Hmmmm…”Was your cashier friendly today?”  Cara would have to say…”Not even!”  Cara was asked to bag her own groceries in her tree-hugging bags because her Wal-Mart friend was too bumfuzzled to know how to handle something so high tech.

3)  In the interest of Cara’s family eating even though economic times are hard, Cara heads back to W-M bags in hand yet again.  The first cashier was just unenlightened.  Hmmmm…”Was your cashier friendly today?”  Let Cara answer that question with another question.  ‘a dog like having his anal gland cleaned out annually’Cashier #2 (we’ll call her Agnes) explained to me from her vault of scientific knowledge that plastic shopping bags aren’t bad.  W-M just doesn’t want you to know that, though.  She went on to amaze Cara by sharing an experiment of her very own proving the benefits of plastic bags.  “I put a plastic bag under my flower pot and within a week it was gone.  The water dissolved it.  They are biodegradable.  But like I said, W-M doesn’t want you to know that.”  Agnes, Agnes, Agnes.  Cara thinks you should have been a nun as your name suggests.  Cara could only comment, “Isn’t it better to just not make the plastic bags in the first place?”  Blank look from Agnes.  Agnes then asks me to please hold open the bags for her because it is so very difficult to place groceries in those conspiracy theory bags.

4)  Cara decides W-M across town is surely more accepting of progress.  Cara’s children must have clean air in their 30′s!  At the new W-M, Cara is greeted by a grumpy cashier yet again who sighs animatedly at the sight of the offensive bags.  Cara looks on in disbelief.    Hmmmm…”Was your cashier friendly today?”  How about passive aggressive instead.  So much so, in fact that Cara calls management to complain from the parking lot.  Cara is put on permanent hold and gives up.  Cara is mad.

5)  Cara’s next few trips to W-M with aforementioned mean, nasty bags are also unpleasant.  Cashiers see her coming time and time again and seem to understand it will never end with this lady.  There is a resigned, depressed look on Cara’s chosen cashier’s face.  They have now resorted to asking asinine questions of Cara such as, “What do you want me to do with these bags?”  or “What do you want in the bags?” or “Should I put these cups of yogurt in the bags?  How about this frozen pizza?  Do you want it in a bag?”  Cara’s calm response, knowing she has won, is “Yes, please put whatever you can in the bags.”      Hmmmm…”Was your cashier friendly today?”   Maybe not friendly, but at least unwillingly cooperative.

Cara can handle that.  At least there’s improvement shown.  These things take time.

Cara Bedo–saving the planet and the egos of Wal-Mart checkers simultaneously once a week, every week.  You’re welcome, babies.

Note:  Some of Cara’s friends have experienced baggers placing their items in a plastic bag THEN actually placing that bag in a reusable bag.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

Leave now.

Run for the hills and never come back.

Tell all your friends that no matter what they should never under any circumstances let their eyes rest on this post or any other I may spew from my tired brain.

Whew!  That’s a real load off.  Now there’s no pressure.  It’s just me and my arrogant self blogging away.